Thanks man, doesn’t feel like it but I’m glad it looks good I guess.
The Off-Topic Thread
dj0xygen
#1620
rooo you’re killin it my dude <3
so i’m just gonna be straight up so at least the community has a little to go on here about my shit if i ever lose my control and act like a fool. i’m bipolar. i have had 2 documented events in my life which clarify for a fact that i am bipolar. i also have a serious addiction problem with alcohol. weed not so much, and other drugs i don’t do. i have a love for dxm but that’s not in my life at all right now nor will it probably ever be except maybe one more time before i die. but i have a legitimate struggle with alcohol. it also doesn’t help that i’m a private adoption baby so i don’t have access to my biological family in any way. that being said, there are times when i do foolish things like “get drunk and stoned and make music” which generally turns into “getting drunk and then deciding to smoke a little and pass out” majority of the time. and add in there “rant on IDMf”. …
when i wake up from what i consider a bender i blacked out and don’t remember anything i said or did. and i have to teach myself every time that “the past is the past” and “your online life is not your real life” as sad as that last one is to say out loud. whatever happens online stays online unless you’re a maniac. for me, my online presence ends when i clock into work. a job i love and look forward too even though it’s scary.
truth is this job is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. it forces me to be accountable for my actions and requires my focus and full performance SOBER. so when i let off some steam and come across as weird, deep, manic, or other ways- it’s just me letting my addiction and mental illness take control. regardless of if that is appropriate or not. sometimes i need to just feel chaos. just fully embrace my nuts. just feel like i can breathe again. idk. i could write a book. (i’m sober btw) point is- i feel alot of resentment at my actions the previous night when i do stuff like log into IDMf and rant or post kinda too much emotion. i feel really shitty about myself. but i remind myself of the other stuff above. and that everything i do i do out of love as much as i can. it burns harshly. to wake up and think “god damnit i just posted on IDMf again” it does burn. but it is who i am. and i am stuck with who i am. you cannot run from yourself. you move to another country- guess what- you’re still YOU. my addiction to alcohol is really bad and i struggle with it every day. but i could have a family member who died. i could be in such worse situations- like when fids house burned down and he lost all his music files. like when skrillex forgot his album on a plane. and had to remake all of it. life happens. and i am damn lucky to have the life i do. i don’t have anything left to say so i’m gonna stop talking. art holds more power and value over a single human life. and i apologize if you disagree. maybe when my family starts dying i will change my mind. i have alot going on and it is hard on me. and i need to learn to not hate myself because of it. do something that makes you smile. i took a couple walks a couple months back when i quit my job. it helped. i made some good music. i connected with nature. idk.
dj0xygen
#1621
and i say IDMf has their shit together because we still put out music. DOCUMENTED. music. no one can ever take away documentation. and we still breathe very quietly. we still breathe. so thank you. because it matters. <3 love yall
Slime
#1623
None of that is anything to be ashamed of, dude. Almost everyone’s got mental problems and struggles with addiction these days so you’re in good company. That’s where good music and cool ideas come from 
bfk
#1624
Jayson tatum is talented player…but hopefully next year he and the celtics dont screw up.
Sincerely wish him and the celtics luck in winning next year nba championship.
bfk
#1626
Had a conversation the other day…
Got me thinking about the metoo movement…
Ill spare you the essay…
The point being the movement quickly went from having better senses and self respect…
To returning the favor of being subject to deviency and abuse. In order to get respect.
Then to what happens, depends upon what mood im in…and if i like you.
People be playing themselves, im talking about both men and women…
dj0xygen
#1627
you think the me too movement is a joke? i’m not being aggressive i genuinely am curious your side in more detail and examples if possible.
dj0xygen
#1628
lyrics that caught me stone cold:
“invogue records” “catch your breath- dial tone” ---- “when i’m checking my phone for the thousanth time---- you say i’m just like your father i’m not the one ---- you just walked away… all i wanted was an answer all i needed was to know, give me a reason… i never thought you’d be the reason why i hated myself…i don’t care who you love… i don’t have anything to lose…”
“bad omens- just pretend”---- “i an wait for you at the bottom… i can stay away if you want me to… i can wait for you if i got to, heaven knows i ain’t getting over you”… damn. that hit hard
bfk
#1629
No i do not think such.
The way i see it…
There were those that were being genuine and sincere and others that were not being genuine and sincere.
It could of been an opportunity to change for the better.
But it quickly turned into this is why we cant have nice things.
It demonstrated a lot peoples true character for better and worse.
Some were phony…and others were unjustly antagonistic.
In regards to things like this topic you dont joke about nor lie about.
And also everyone has different definitions, ethics, and standards in regards to this issue…
The fact that we cant culturally agree about what is proper and what isnt…proper.
Speaks volumes.
And what i mean when people be playing themselves…im referring to a certain hypocrisy…
Like when someone who farts during sex shames other people for farting during sex…
bfk
#1631
P2 in response to Oxy…
Ive seen some guys use other guys to play the white knight game while being guilty of doing the same thing their scapegoat is doing…ive also seen guys be absolute pricks, because of envy…
Also ive seen some women do things purely out of spite/revenge, ego…aka to save face from embarassment…, ive seen some even flat out real life troll others…
But again these type occurences where people try to fineagle others that doesnt mean that people should stop being empathetic…
But perhaps we should conduct ourselves better ethically…
However these things have always happened and are nothing new,…but social media has brought a lot of these things to light and made a space for conversing about these things.
Solution be of good character and also be a good judge of character.
bfk
#1632
P3
People could either complain woe is me about the adversity they face…and render themselves helpless.
Or they could do something about it…
So basically take control of your life…
Because complaining about things like double standards and life not being fair or societal privileges, gatekeeping, defamation, blackballing…
That can go kick rocks…
Also if your pretending the streets are a stripper pole or a strip dance club…
That is a grave mistake…
There is an appropriate way of doing things.
Being that ive had to do battle with this kind of stuff…with fools…i call these people fools because the whole battling aspect was really pointless…
That being said …
Both men and women could treat each other better…and by this i simply mean showing respect and having empathy…
With consent not meaning laissez faire…meaning that when 5 is agreed upon dont go up to 1,029,290…go to 5 or just stay at 3 or 4…
Also i dont mean arbitrary gender relationship roles…
Lastly no one wants to be the subject of some one elses devious fucked up sex fantasy or kink…
theres a difference between shared interest…
and having to deal with dumbasses trying to make you into an object/subject of something devious and fucked up…
It really should just be mutual attraction and enjoying the moment/living in the present…and having feelings for each other…
Thats all im gonna say.
bfk
#1635
Matrix = working a 9 to 5 then in free time hopping on social media looking at content and listening to podcasts and watching netflix, hulu, disney plus and possibly getting high from time to time.
Me ive escaped the so called matrix…how did i do this
Cut back on the consuming of content, and Ive been meditating a lot… and going outside and touching grass…
Being able to face everyday sober is half the battle…
The other half is making the most out of your time by following your own interests realistically.
Matrix i hate the philosophical context of that word…its very uninteresting.
bfk
#1636
Theorems…ghost chillis or those chillis very high on the scoville scale…probably badly burn really badly when pooping.
That must be some kind of hell to experience
dj0xygen
#1638
i may need to clarify. i am not in a stable state of mind or body or anything right now. i’m just not- i play it up like i’m fine and i’m holding solid like a rock. i’m not. and i just found a relic oxygen track from multiple years ago i may submit to the netlabel on donation. maybe not donation but who knows-- damn how far my life has come. if i told myself at 16 “this is what your life is gonna be like kid”… i would have walked away. “that man’s crazy”