Dating experiences thread

#50

I have my moments.

#51

You know, my pharmacists are some of my favorite women in my area - smart, educated, pretty, know exactly how to take care of my diabetes (well, I can take or leave that last one, but it would sure put my parents at ease if I ever move out). But one of my hard and fast rules in dating is that you don’t date someone you do business with, and the women who sell me my life-enabling drugs and associated paraphernalia - to me - constitute women I do business with. Plus they all know my mom, like really well.

Actually, I have this thing about women I like and my mom - they all end up turning into her. Wait, hear me out on this -

Really cool girl in college, we get along great, never a dull moment, nothing in conversation off the table. I realize that the reason this is working so well is that whenever I don’t know what to say, I say what I would to my mom. Oh no. That ended.

Next girl I meet in college, two years later. Smoking hot sorority readhead volleyball player. I asked her out, and she wasn’t against it, just way too busy. I looked her up earlier this year, because she wandered into my mind, and I thought it’d be nice to try if she was still available. This girl has a master’s in education, and is working at the same school as my mom teaching. Dude. I tell my mom and she’s like “oh yeah that’s young me how do you know her?”. Oh no not this again.

I’ve decided to take the many and often subtle hints I got from the nice foreign exchange students in school and I’m looking for a nice asian girl who I do not work with now. I’d like to see one of them turn into my mom. Good luck, she’s from Minnesota and her maiden name was Milberg.

#52

^Ha! Got that Yellow Fever! And here I thought you were a Good Christian Boy…

I dated a smoking hot redhead once…stay away from them. :grin:

Also, stay away from gals with mommy or daddy issues…

#53

Off the dating scene since quite a few years, but I’m gonna play a bit of Oedipus here with regard to the mommy similarity issues :smiley: :

Imho, generally speaking, and not considering exceptions, I would say that people, in broad tendency, approximately tend to like at least some qualities of their moms. Imho, if you like your mom and find a nice girl that you like, chances are that some of her qualities that you like also remind you of your mom at some point or another. I married a girl that could not have had a more different background, but yeah, she reminds me of my mom now sometimes. ^^

So, to sum up, good luck with that foreign exchange student @White_Noise! :smiley:

#54

The whole mom girlfriend or dad boyfriend thing…depends on the person yes…but also Freud was a coke head.

Imo the Oedipus and electra complex… maybe a false equivalency…cause similar culture, values, traits, ethnicity and personality type like introversion, extraversion, how a person responds to anxiety stress etc…maybe a more in depth reason why certain people are compatible or aren’t.

Not to get all clinical but maybe the Oedipus and electra connection was one of thoughts when a person is high as fuck and thinks they have enlightenment.

But it all depends on the life situation and the person imo.

To put it succinctly.
The similarities a partner shared with a persons parent maybe due to personality type and their culture.

As opposed to the person looking for a clone of their parents as a partner in a relationship.

Also some traits maybe just instinctual parental traits that are more common amongst people across the board than assumed.

Tl;dr

Oedipus and electra = high thoughts
Clone of parents in relationship = correlation does not necessarily mean causation.

Also physical attractiveness is an obvious factor.

Also dad bods.

Disclaimer I am not a psychologist…I just read this stuff WebMD style. Im just a prick with an opinion.

#55

Stating for the record that I would never date somebody who reminds me of my mother or father. :rofl:

Mother: Overly worrisome
Father: Overly worrisome and grumpy, too.

Hey babe, let’s sit around and watch episodes of MASH and The Price is Right and the 100th documentary about John Lennon. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I like spontaneous people, but some people do like routine.

#56

Maybe, but I think that culture is often overrated in this context as a direct influence. For instance, I read some research with authors just assuming basic intrinsic homophily, but I always thought that opportunities, social pressures and perceived expectations were not really accounted for in an adequate way.

I also think that there’s probably a lot of biased perception in this context - if you want to see or focus on differences or similarities to other people, you often can find a lot for any case on some level.

#57

Freud was a coke head is about all I ever needed to know about psychoanalysis LOL That being said, knowing a lot folks in the field through a friend of mine who is a practicing psychologist, lots of people in that field like their substances LOL.

I did indeed used to stay up all night doing coke with this friend who no treats coke heads.

#60

I feel personally attacked. :joy:

#62

Ha!

#63

I just remember people on dating websites never wanting to meet or even have a phone conversation. It seemed like 99% of people just wanted someone to chat with online. Which is fine but they kept acting like they wanted to meet eventually.

#64

Is Adult Friend Finder still a thing? Shit got pretty crazy with that.

I lasted 30 min on Tinder years ago. Hit up Grinder if you’re into guys. OK Cupid? Hot Sexy Singles? Wet and Wild Summer Bikini Break?

Xvideos/Redtube - The Cam Dating App for Lusty Rapscallions

#65

The age difference thing got me thinking… I don’t have a lot of personal anecdotes about dating that aren’t from the Clinton era, but I do have one sort of second hand.

A buddy of mine got divorced about 7-8 years ago. He’s a smart guy, very successful, fit, sociable, a real catch. He ends up bringing around his new girlfriend, who’s a 22 year old art student. She was beautiful, apparently very talented, very social, well spoken and thoughtful, etc etc. I’m thinking “good on you, found you someone simpatico”. I mean, it’s probably daddy issues or looking for a ride on the boat or something, but rebound is rebound.

She comes over for dinner, the discussion turns to music (friend and I played in bands and produced music way back when), and it ends up she doesn’t know who the Rolling Stones are. Like, doesn’t know that’s the name of a band. She also couldn’t name a single Beatles song. I’m gobsmacked, my wife is gobsmacked, my friend is gobsmacked and a bit embarrassed.

Now, I abhor the Rolling Stones on a lot of levels, and I’d rather trepan myself with a soup spoon than listen to them, but to not know who they are? We’re not talking about “do you know any of the lyrics off Nirvana’s Bleach” or some sort of dated esoteric musical knowledge - she didn’t know that was a band, much less one of the biggest and most successful bands of the 20th century.

It ended up there were a lot of things like that she had no clue about if it was older than her. She was basically too young and inexperienced to have a relatable conversation with about much of anything we cared about, so we ended up talking about art (which I’m not at all into but, unlike her, can talk about), because it was pretty much the only thing she had any sort of conversable general knowledge in as far as we could tell. The relationship didn’t last long after that for a myriad of reasons, but a lot of it centered around the fact that he’d been through the world and she was just getting started in it.

That’s not really a knock on her personally, more the age difference. At some point I have to think that the benefits of having a young, bright-eyed significant other are outweighed by the yoke of disparate life experience. At my age, I have to figure I’d go for the worn out old timer that gets it over the young perky one that doesn’t have a chance at understanding me.

#66

I think this counts for a lot. My partner and I are about 7 years a part in age, me being younger. We hardly notice it most of the time. Sometimes I don’t remember things she does from when she was a kid. And seven years isn’t really a lot I suppose.

That still seems an unusual case that she couldn’t even talk, like, current events or something.

Maybe I will poll my students this semester and see if they know who the Stones and Beatles are lol

#67

It’s not all that much, and I think the age itself may be a bigger deal than the difference in ages. Like when you’re 40, every 20 year old is a fucking idiot. Even if they’re smart. They’re just inexperienced and don’t know how things work or what the real world is like in relation to someone who’s done a bunch of stuff. There’s just no way around it. When you’re talking about someone in their 30s, that person has a pretty good grasp on how the world is and knows a bit about who they are in a way that younger people usually don’t.

Also (according to my wife who keeps up with this stuff), research is showing that human brains aren’t fully developed until around age 25 or so…that same ‘elasticity’ that makes Da Yoots so mercurial and able to change with the times also makes them less able to make rational decisions or get their heads together in the way older folks are. Part of the issue with age differences when you’re talking about 20-somethings probably has to do with the older one getting ‘set in their ways’ and the younger one not understanding it or thinking it’s totes lamer.

I have a great story about that…

My father was a college professor. He was also a huge music fan all his life, and he’d talk to his students about music (and whatever) after class. At one point, one of them rushes up to him after class and exclaims “did you know Paul McCartney had a band before Wings?!?” He was super excited to find this out. I guess the modern day analogy would be finding out that Dave Grohl played some drums before making it big in the Foo Fighters…

#68

@Artificer yea, I think you are spot on about when age difference matters. I mean, I think it would be weird to have like 20 years between my partner and I…but it wouldn’t seem super weird for a 40 y/o and a 60 y/o to be together I guess. My thesis advisor in grad school was almost 20 years older than his wife and you kinda didn’t notice once you got to know them.

As for brain plasticity, yea…I feel myself getting more and more set in my ways on many levels and its kinda scary sometimes.

That is a really great story about your dad. That is the best part of teaching really, is the little moments outside of formal class time. I’ve had to update my pop culture references that I use in class at this point.

#69

Now THAT’S a good person. God forbid you dont know classic dad rock. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

And Nirvana’s Bleach? It’s good for karaoke sometimes… :grin:

#70

The Beatles especially are so culturally ubiquitous it does feel a little odd she knows absolutely nothing of them.

On the other hand, that is just going to start to happen. The first time I referenced Leave it to Beaver in class and not one student out of 25 or so had any idea what I was talking about I was shocked. You think something is so iconic and suddenly there are people who never heard of it.

#71

Yeah, it’s cool! I’m just getting a little smarmy (it’s snowing heavily right now).

Dude…Leave it to Beaver? At least go Futurama or Pokemon or BoJack Horseman. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Not a big Beatles fan but they are good for karaoke. As is Led Zeppelin, etc.

Brown Sugar, why DO you taste so good? :grin:

#72

(I’m going off on a tangent):

Music has about a fifteen year life cycle, right? You fellas know that autotune is making a comeback in certain circles, right?

Frickin’ Autotune…

I’ve heard some interesting music lately, I’ve used autotune before, I’ve used vocaloids, vocoders, etc. Just go with melodyne if you want to tweak your vocals.

Shit…now I sound old…