I, for my part, haven’t been out in almost 3 weeks.
Hardest part is that there’s no funerals allowed right now where I am, and that’s about the only time my family gets together. So, strange as it is to say, corona has cost my family a couple of reunions more than anything. I hope you can find a way to “celebrate his life” as they always say in the opening speech. Whatever you can do at home, it’ll help.
Yes, dealing with this and a pandemic at the same time is not normal. We cannot really hold any big service in memorium at the time. We do plan on one on his Bday in August.
Also with the disease he had, it is very contagious but not in the sense like you’d expect. Prions enter the brain so when we cremate him, there is no way to burn the prions out, not even at 3,000 degrees. Meaning we cannot spread his ashes or even come in contact with them, as the disease still survives. Shit is so crazy compounded with everything else going on.
Everything about this is surreal. a death, a pandemic, and a one and million disease just 3 years after he beat prostate cancer. Seriously what the fuck. He is 64 years young and just had begun his dream of traveling after retirement.
Also myself, brother, sister, stepmom, and his sister camped out by his side during his final moments. Well I live less then 10 minutes away and had to let my dog out and feed her, less then 10 minutes of me leaving I got the call he passed. Again, what in the fuck!
I have lost two close people and both I was not there at the end. My buddy got shot by a friend while accidentally dry firing a gun.
No exaggeration, for over a year straight we hung out every single day. On this day he called and I said my mom and I were going to finish a movie together before hanging out, which I never did, usually we hung from sun up to sun down. Less then two hours later I got the news. Shit is not a coincidence at this point in my mind.
I am not a religious man but am spiritual by nature and do believe we are connected in ways beyond our comprehension. Both these events will always have me wonder why I was not supposed to be there in the moment. I do not have regrets but will always question it to an extent but not as much to consume me, if that makes sense.
I will be writing a track in his honor, it will be my first finished track in 7 years. I am going to pour everything I have into it but am excited to express all my fucked up emotions and let it all loose! Love you guys and your support.