Basically a thread for puns…
Meh.
Who said time flies like an arrow fruit flies like bananas?
Groucho Marx 
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What do you call a rooster that draws…
A cock a doodle doo…
A man submits 10 puns to the local newspaper’s Pun Contest, hoping one would win first place. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Italicized because of copypasta, but still my favorite pun
Hear about the dyslexic sex addict - kept walking into a warehouse!
Not all dyslexics are perverts its just an anagram for daily sex!
Two nones in a bath, one says to the other wears the soap. The other nun responds “it does rather” (credit to Vicar of Dibley)!
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Tobias funke…
This is the best pun joke ever…
I keep getting calls where someone sneezes and then hangs up…bro its so annoying. I have been getting these calls for about a month.
Im really getting sick of these cold calls.
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From Ken Kesey - Electric Kool Aid Acid Test
Merry Pranksters are in the Bus leaving the Ranch. At the entrance to the main road there is a sign which says “make no left turn un-stoned” 
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How do phones travel overseas? On their tele-flights!
I’ve tried to avoid group therapy…
…but i can’t help myself.
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I’ve just got rid of my Dyson. It just sat in the corner gathering dust.
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I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed.
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My wife never stops whining. Should never have bought her that vineyard.
Chicken or egg? I bought an egg to find out and I think I’ve cracked it.