Having this internal struggle. I’ve got all these tracks on deck to release over the next three months because I want to LET GO. then I venture to my friends studio and listen to all of them on a way better system with pristine flattest frequency response Meyer monitors and I just go, “holy shit these tracks are crap”. I fight this feeling of just wanting to tuck these countless minutes of music I flossed over and over again then just shut in a digital dungeon.
Fuck man, the music itself is FINE. It vibes. It shoulda been thrown into the world long ago, but even now, years maybe a decade or more later, I’m sitting here creating false scenarios in my mind of “finally putting the right amount of effort into these music-ings they always deserved but DUDE, every one of these fucking wav files were lovingly crafted. The only reason I brick-walled my work from release is because of this habitual mentallity of “it’s not good enough yet.”
I’m so sick of these hypothetical bricks, and the wall they’ve made in my mind.
I just want this music out and free because I want to move on from it. It’s a struggle letting go of your art.
Nothing you create will never be perfect. There’s no such thing. Follow instinct & know when it’s ready and be comfortable with letting go. This me telling myself that. These are my babies. They didn’t age well.
I don’t care anymore. Fidelium is moved on from. SubQuire is here. It’s time to pick the pieces from the countless files of raw recordings, sample amalgamations, and 500 version of a one minute song — take what you can use later. MAYBE. — then archive it, all these old project files along with the “I’ll def get to this later” bullshit and be released from it and RELEASE IT. Oh well if it’s not received well, that’s not my problem.
It’s all in my head, it really is. I can’t be flipped over by hearing my mixes on some money system and be like “nah I need to work on that still.” This loop is dead because it has to be if I want to be something in this fucking world as a producer, an artist, and a musician.
I need to give these tracks the love they deserve and send them off, help them leave the nest. I need to let go of the past and start new projects, find new people to collaborate with, and be content with putting things out once they feel ready in that moment and move on to the next thing. This is single-handedly one of the hardest parts of the artistic process I’ve ever had to deal with as an artist for 30 years. Many people know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s why I’m not “prolific”, it’s why I haven’t had a genuine album release in nearly 10 years up until a few weeks ago (shout out ,Notice), and it is the most major thing that has stalled me from being the very best and most of what I know I can be.
No matter how many times everyone around you says “wow this is really good/I love this/why haven’t you released this” there’s this voice in your gut that says “not yet” and this is the only time I will tell my gut: “go fuck yourself.”
To hell with Meyer monitors and making sure my low-end isn’t muddy and that this or that sections drags on too long. To hell with the peers who say “this needs _____ then it will be ready.” To hell with the hard drives all neatly archived with your “potential album ideas” that have built up to critical mass over the years. To hell with all of it. Release it. Let it go, just do it.
Thank you for coming to my Fid talk.
Oh yeah, then there was Shotguns… ugh. Still have his giant sample pack of literally every single drum machine that ever existed in my library, though, so wherever you are Shotguns thanks for that. prick.
