Congratulations on your recovery. We’ve both made it over the hardest part, so I’ve heard.
I’m “lucky” because I had a series of extreme events happen to me that should’ve convinced me to go clean, all of which culminated to one single event that made me realize that I should have died, and didn’t, by the saving grace of a higher power, the Creator, aliens, the universe, or just pure luck.
My best friend in New Orleans overdosed on fentanyl-laced cocaine that I was supposed to have bought from him that same night. Had he not died first and had I been there with him when he did it, I would have died too. Side note, I am 14 years clean from opiates and heroin, and my friend was 3 years clean. Our original bonding as friends was based on that camaraderie that arises from a mutual trauma. However, he and I both also bonded on the fact that we loved doing all of the other drugs available.
My alcoholism played a big part in my drug use at this point, and I was hitting the bottle pretty hard. After my friend died, I just… stopped wanting it. I was hungover for probably 3 weeks, for the lack of a better way to describe it. At first I thought my friend relapsed and heroin overdosed, but upon the toxicology report it turns out it was all a mistake on his part, he just did some laced shit and it killed him almost instantly… it made me realize that the big players in the drug world are using users as lab rats by putting laced substances into the supply chain, thereby killing us off. It made me realize that by doing these drugs I was guaranteeing an eventual instant death for myself. It’s kind of like how people describe your whole life flashing before your eyes.
At that point I realized the only way to stop doing cocaine was to stop drinking too, because my cocaine and alcohol use went hand in hand (couldn’t have one without the other, the urge was too strong). So I decided it was time to step into the sober world.
It’s had its difficulties but I’ve received nothing but love and support from the people around me so if anyone out there reading this is struggling I can tell that you if you truly want to be sober, the doors to do so will open up for you if you’re honest with your people about your struggle. There are many ways for everyone to get clean and even though society as a whole tends to shun people struggling like this, I’m pretty sure if you just have one person out there who loves you and cares for you they will help you get sober.
You just have to actually want it.