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Old 12-05-2018, 06:27 PM   #5
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Re: Hard dance based short story

Needs wittier humor. Maybe start by writing really solid jokes first and then work them into the story, especially if you're going for satire. You're missing the layer aspect that makes people piss themselves laughing. It definitely needs better structure, too, but definitely start with some full on humor if that's what you're going for.

The general structure also gives it the appearance that it was slapped together in an hour.
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