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Old 07-05-2018, 07:14 PM   #3
relic
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Re: Hard dance based short story

I had a look over the first chapter, I had two major criticisms. It felt like an inside joke I wans't in on--I'm a fan of surrealism, if the authors can get it to work : ) I'm also not a fan of the use of second person--makes it feel like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure. Which might be the vibe you are going for, but I was left a bit flat by it. Maybe if you fix the other issue, this won't be.

Maybe the whole feeling of it being an inside joke is I'm not "in on" certain things about the Hardcore scene, or raving in the UK. But that doesn't seem like it is it to me.

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