I thought that was pretty cool actually..not to shabby at all. I think the snares could do with a little more of a reverb added to them. Same goes for the vocals and turn them up a little in the mix, to bring them out more in the mix..only a little, though..and play around with the spacing of everything a little to spread things out even more and this would really kick ass..seriously.
I don't hear anything wrong with your vocals on this..you should do more of your own voice work, if this is anything to go by.
As it is, it already reminds me a lot of some of T R's stuff with NIN..and I mean that as a compliment.
LSS, nice work..and finish that damn album already!