This kinda feels too long..maybe a total play time of around 5 minutes would be better.
The slowdown / break that kicks in around 3.30 minutes is perhaps a bit too long, too, I think. Basically, I think you have everything you need to make this track work already in the mix..you just need to "prune" it back a little in different areas and remix it so everything fits better in a shorter mix.
One other thing..give some thought to having some sort of drum solo or something like that, just to add a little more energy to the track in general, as you're running the risk of sounding very much "all the same" with this one.
The vocals towards the end work well and sounds really good..but perhaps they would do more of the track if you split the words up and spread them out through the mix a little..repeating a couple of words over and over, with a little delay / reverb added on for effect.
I hope you don't rad into all of this in a negative way..this ISN'T a bad track at all..as I can see and hear it's potential. Hope you do more with this one.