In a strange way i kind of liked it.
I would recommend two things that are easy, i would refrain from stopping the notes to soon, as in letting your snares ring out for their full value. I think that's what made it sound so 'messy'.
Also, to give a true syncopated vibe, try having the offbeat snare pitched a little differently, and a little more quiet, this makes the beat flow a little better.
Keep trying, man.
(If you listen to my sig tune, theres a nice breakbeat with live samples you might like